Have you ever woken up in the morning.. just looked around and thought to yourself. "i really don't want to get out of bed today" I really wish i could have just slept this day away.. You know.. when hard times are happening to me directly.. it really usually doesn't affect me that much. I personally am usually pretty put together with it all. When it affects the people around me.. i'm usually not that good. I sometimes wake at all hours of the night and just go take a walk outside. Small things amaze me.. big things.. not so much. I kinda just walked around outside in shorts, tshirt and sandles for almost an hour, tried to figure out how everything fits in. I guess sometimes, you aren't privaledged to the big picture until much later in life. I talked to the chaplain about the big decisions in my life.. rolling over.. reenlisting.. college.. when and where.. Eve.. Go home now.. or later.. Grandma.. what it all means. I ended up down by the gym about two blocks away, sitting outside by the sand crevice singing Martyrs and Thieves by Jennifer Knapp.. And I probably sat there for.. longer than I should have. I"m surprised I don't have a cold coming on. I finally sat down with Jason when he asked me why I am the way I am. And I told him the story of how I found Christ. I think he was moved.. and saw alittle of himself in the story i told of my grandparents.. I think he understands me alittle better. This isn't a story I can just write... you have to hear it if you haven't..

I appreciate the emails from you all, try and send them to my work since I can't send emails out again for a couple more days. We are on lock-down for some reason.. I miss you all, and hope that you have a great holiday season.